O LORD, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away. You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, O LORD, you know it completely. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it. Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. —Psalm 139:1-12, 23-24
As I head out for a couple of weeks of sorely needed respite, this, my favorite Psalm, breaks my heart right open and settles the anxiety and worry in my spirit. I am so glad for it and want to leave it with you as I go away from you for a bit.
Would you pray it with me again? “Amazing, grace-giving God, You have searched me and known me, even when I am trying to hide from you! You know everything: every want and need and fear and fuss; every hurt and joy and frustration and fabulousness; every selfish and selfless moment; the stuff I cannot admit to myself and the stuff that I wish I didn’t remember. No matter where I go or where I try to run to or hide, no matter the substance or shopping or status seeking with which I try to fill that hole that only you will fill—there you are—waiting with open arms, loving with grace and gratitude, smiling knowingly, guiding me back, leading me away from harm, holding me, always holding me—even when I struggle to get away. No matter what, there you are transforming the unknowable into understanding, changing the dark into light, making a way where I thought there was no way and turning the angst in my spirit into an attitude of gratitude and peace. So search me now Lord—again—know my heart, know my need, know my brokenness, know my fear, know my desire to love and be loved and my hopes for meaning and purpose. If I am headed in the wrong direction, turn me around and lead me in Your Way that I might be a agent of your grace, a giver of your Love, and maker of Justice. In the name of Love, Amen.”